


Werewolves Outplayed

by Fanfiction_Lurker_1



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 13:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4789520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfiction_Lurker_1/pseuds/Fanfiction_Lurker_1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New Moon AU. Laurent finds a very easy way to escape the werewolves. Because, in all honesty, how could anybody not think about it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Werewolves Outplayed

"I don't believe it!"

Laurent really couldn't believe his bad luck. Five horse-sized werewolves stood in front of him. They emerged from the forest one by one, as if in a formation. They started to advance in his direction, slowly closing the gap between him and them. All five gave him menacing glares and even more menacing snarls. They didn't even look twice at Bella Swan. Their undivided attention was for him, and him alone. Their intentions were clear as day.

Not waiting for them to attack first, Laurent bolted to the forest, sprinting as fast as his body allowed him. Sadly, wolves proved to be just as fast when they gave chase. The distance between the vampire and his pursuers was shrinking rapidly. They were gaining on him, and he knew it. As he was running, wolves hot on his trail, Laurent realized with dread that unless he wants to get eaten he'll have to think of something else.

And then he saw it. The most obvious solution. Solution so simple that he felt the urge to kick himself.

With an embarrassed scowl, he jumped onto the nearest tree. In a blur, he climbed higher and looked down at the pack. It only took them seconds to spread around the trunk, growling angrily. They all tried to leap to reach him, but couldn't jump high enough. Big russet one tried to climb, only to slide down, leaving claw marks on the bark.

"It's no use, my friends," said Laurent calmly. "Your paws are clearly not prepared for such task. Give evolution a few more millions of years. Maybe you'll grow thumbs."

His pursuers barked, growled and glared some more. If looks could kill, the vampire would certainly turn into a pile of ash. As it couldn't, he only smiled blithely.

Wolves tried a different tactic. They threw themselves at the tree, trying to bring it down. They succeeded, of course, but the vampire promptly jumped off the toppling tree, landing on another and another.

Werewolves could only follow him down below. So close, yet so far.

"It's been a pleasure, but I have to go." He waved his hand mockingly and continued his escape, leaving angry barking and howling behind him.

* * *

_"I really don't believe it!"_

Sam was livid, and he wasn't the only one. Every member of the pack shared his fury. He heard their thoughts, after all. They were so close, so close to killing their first Cold One! Everything was going so well! First they saved Bella Swan in the last possible second, then they were about to rip her attacker to shreds and then... the bastard... just had to run away! It would have been such a great battle, a glorious victory, something straight out of their legends. It was theirs by birthright, it was a dream come true. They would be heroes of the tribe, they would be like Ephraim Black, like Taha Aki, like...

 _"Son of a bitch! How is that even possible?"_ Thought Embry, staring gloomily in a general direction where they've last seen that damn vampire.

 _"I would have avenged Bella..."_ Jacob started daydreaming about somehow overriding Alpha's command and telling Isabella Swan the truth. Then he could brag on and on about killing the leech who tried to have her for dinner. He would be her hero, her eyes would be sparkling with adoration, she would go out on a date with him, she would kiss him, she would-

 _"Please, cut the lovesick crap, Jake!"_ Paul snapped. _"The situation is lousy enough without your moping."_

Jacob bared his teeth and pounced.

 _"Stop!"_ Sam's command resounded in both their heads, stopping the scuffle before it could start for good. _"We will not fight each other."_

_"Erm... Sam?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"What went wrong?"_ Jared asked.

 _"How did he figure out we can't climb?"_ Embry whined. It would be such an easy win. The bloodsucker shouldn't stand a chance against them all. He should be dead by now!

 _"I think the real question is, how could he_ not _figure it out? It's quite obvious when you think about it."_

In their wolf forms, their limbs weren't equipped for climbing. If their human forms, they could climb well enough, but a vampire would easily outrun them. It was a sad fact, and all too easy to miss.

 _"Next time,"_ Sam sighed in defeat, _"we attack right away. No more grandstanding."_

Every member of the pack howled pitifully.

 _"But Sam,"_ Jacob protested. _"We strike fear into the hearts of our enemies! That's what we do!"_

_"This kind of attitude gave that leech a head start, and what did he do with it? He made us look like a bunch of fools, that's what!"_

With nothing else to say or do, the wolves trudged home with their tails between their legs.

* * *

"I really, really don't believe it!" Laurent muttered to himself, pulling a cellphone out of his pocket. He stopped running when he got to Port Angeles. He kept it up long after he lost the pack. Too bad about a lost meal though. Well, too bad for him. Victoria, however...

He dialed her number. She picked up after the first signal.

"Laurent? What did you find out?"

"Polite as ever, Victoria. How about a _hello_?"

"Hello. Happy now? Do we have to exchange pleasantries for the next few hours, or will you tell me what you found out?"

"I found out quite a lot. For starters, Cullens moved out."

"What?!"

"Yes, that's right. They moved out months ago and left their human unprotected."

Couple of minutes later - after she ran out of steam to curse, shout, and curse some more - Victoria forced herself to calm down.

"Are you certain?"

"Absolutely. Their house stood empty for months."

"Well... if you're sure about this, I have no reason to be after her. I'll have to just go after the Cullens themselves. Damn! So many wasted months."

Laurent shrugged.

"If you think you have it rough, you should meet those werewolves that chased me today."

"Werewolves?"

"Five of them. But I escaped."

Victoria still remembered fighting against one werewolf with James. She remembered how hard it was to put down just a single one of those beasts. That's why, when she spoke again, there was a hint of admiration in her voice.

"So... how did you escape them?"

"I climbed trees."

"... That's it?"

"That's all it took."

Laurent remembered his panic, his pointless unnecessary fear, and he sure was glad that vampires can't blush. After all was said and done, he couldn't believe figuring that out took him so much time. It was so easy! He started to laugh at his own abysmal stupidity. Obviously, every vampire ever chased by those wolves just _had to_ think about this from the start.

Right?


End file.
